


Diary of a Wimpy Kid

by JAMoczo



Series: Pelleas Daein's Diary [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Soen no Kiseki/Akatsuki no Megami | Fire Emblem Path of Radiance/Radiant Dawn
Genre: Almedha has a type, Always read before you sign something, Don't sign things in blood, F/M, Guys I think Izuka might be evil, M/M, Pelleas is a secret shipper, What Would Ashnard Do?, Zombie Black Knight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 05:46:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 7,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7964758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAMoczo/pseuds/JAMoczo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pelleas' diary, written as he struggles with his identity, his kingdom, his powers, his romantic life, and the perils of not reading contracts before signing them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day One

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted from FF.net, because I can. This is a silly, light-hearted fic, so don't take it too seriously and try to enjoy :) The only confirmed pairing is Pelleas/Micaiah, the rest are just Pelleas being a shipper.

_Day One of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

Dear Diary,

Today was my coronation and I am officially a king! All my friends were there – my mother, Micaiah, Sothe, Micaiah and Sothe's friends, Izuka, Tauroneo and Zombie Black Knight. I'm going to be the best king ever. Even Izuka said so.

But before I talk about my epic crowning, it's time for some history! This is going to be a long first entry, but I have to give you context. Besides, I love history. Really! Most people say that and don't mean it.

So here's an Official History of the Kings of Daein :)

The line began with Senator Steve Daein, who was the senator (as you probably guessed) of the people of the easternmost region of Begnion. He led the people in a peaceful secession from the Empire. Steve was a very nice ruler but had little power because he'd been elected. His son, King Dan, consolidated power and emphasized his Divine Rights as the Chosen of Ashera. This was a smart move – his son Bill was a good king but Ashera was clearly drunk for _his_ son, Fred. Hooey! That crazy guy and his donkey.

Anyhow, Fred's son (of questionable patronage) was Ted, who began the reign of the Kings of Mediocrity. It went Ted, Jim, Bob, Don, Joe, John, Steve II, Bob II, and then my grandfather Stan. Stan wasn't a bad king, but he's really only famous for having more kids than practical (he had 26 – I'm sure if I thought about it I could name all of them, but why bother?). That being said, he ended up with the last laugh because then a massive plague hit and they all died except the youngest son. That would be Ashnard, my father.

Now, Ashnard's probably going to be the most famous leader of Daein forever unless I turn out really awesomely. He decided that he wanted to conquer the world, and did a pretty decent job of it too. My father gets a bad reputation because he ultimately tried to kill everyone (worldicide?) but rather than focus on the negatives, let's focus on the positive! For example, without his establishment of a meritocracy, I couldn't have gotten those scholarships and gone to university ( _summa cum laude_ and valedictorian!). I would definitely reinstate that except I'd be undermining my own authority, ha ha.

Okay, Mother is telling me it's bedtime, and I really am tired anyway, so I'll finish this tomorrow.

\- Pelleas Daein


	2. Day Two

_Day Two of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

Hooey! Today was _long._ All day I sat in budget meetings discussing all sorts of government projects and stuff that got ended by Begnion. It was booooring but yeah I guess it had to be done. So instead, let's talk about my coronation!

It was also long and boring. That being said, afterward I met some new important people:

1\. Vice Minister Lekain from Begnion. He had some peace treaties and he seemed really sorry that Jerod used our people as dartboards. Izuka told me all about how honorable he was. Apology accepted, Mr. Vice Minister! Although I have to say I was really disappointed that Prime Minister Sephiran or even Empress Sanaki didn't come to visit. I heard they're both very pretty. Lekain didn't seem pleased when I pointed that out.

2\. Count Bastian, Crimea's primary diplomat. That guy is so weird. He speaks in iambic pentameter and is pretty sure he's the smartest guy ever. He even tried to insult me, saying that I was just some guy and Micaiah was the real ruler here, but he said it super nice and poetically so he thought I had no idea what he was saying. I called him a jerk. He seemed impressed.

 _3\. Ike, Savior of Crimea and Hero and his Greil Mercenaries!_ Okay, so I shouldn't find Ike as awesome as I do. He did kill my father, after all. But the guy went from a mercenary to running a giant army and… Yes, he's awesome. He's awesome like Micaiah is awesome, although he's not as pretty as she is (And no, I do not have a crush on her, no matter what everyone else says!). His little sister was very nice, as was the redhead lady that I think he said was… an adviser? And there were others, including a short guy who kinda looks like Mother, but I don't really remember them. I was busy!

Anyway, apparently there's civil unrest in Crimea right now because of me – they're worried I'll try to conquer them again, so they're mad at Queen Elincia for sending Bastian to visit. Poor her. I know how she feels though. Not that I have civil unrest just yet, but I'm sure it's going to happen eventually and I should be prepared.

I also got to talk a bit to Zombie Black Knight. He was one of my father's Four Riders, he was the most powerful and for awhile he was even invulnerable– mental note to self, not a bad idea! Maybe I should remake the Four Riders? Surely Tauroneo would like his old job back! – but then Ike killed him, hence why he's a zombie. I asked him about himself. He didn't answer. I also asked if he was planning on staying around to help out. He said no, and something about fulfilling duty. I asked who his master was; he seemed surprised (I think, but it's hard to tell with that helmet), but then I explained to him that all zombies have a master necromancer who summons and controls them (I'm not into necromancy myself, but I bet it's neat if you are).

And…

He laughed.

Zombie Black Knight laughed. And ruffled my hair. I may never wash it again.

Also, Micaiah and Sothe and their friends were there and they were very nice. Well, Sothe wasn't very nice, because he's actually not nice at all, but Micaiah was very nice and congratulated me. I thanked her for all of her hard work! Although in retrospect I wish I'd helped. I'm a Spirit Charmer after all – wait, did I mention that? I don't think so.

Okay, when I was 13 years old, I signed a Pact with Spirits, allowing them to use my body and in exchange I was given intense magical powers. What can I say? I was young and an orphan and when orphans are picking on you, you know you're low on the food chain. I showed them, though. My magical talents for some reason stem toward Dark Magic, which I'm not complaining about because it's cool, but you never want to use it for target practice because it's hard to even hit the broad side of a barn with it sometimes. It turns out Izuka also uses Dark Magic and so he's teaching me a bit here and there. He actually owns Balberith, the greatest Dark Magic tome in the world! I don't have a clue how he got it, but I drool every time I see it. I may order him to give it to me. We'll see.

Another long day down, and I'm beat. Good night, diary!

-Pelleas Daein


	3. Day Three

_Day Three of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14th King of Daein_

So today Mother got into an arm-wrestling match with one of Micaiah's larger friends – the one who uses axes. I think his name is Norton? Anyway, they both wanted the last muffin, and while Norton tried to let my mother have it, she insisted that the best one get it. She won in about thirty seconds.

I have a new respect for my mother. Wow. Why couldn't I have inherited either her or my father's muscles?

\- Pelleas


	4. Day Five

_Day Five of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14th King of Daein_

Sorry it's been so long, but lately I've been working extra hard both as a King and also to improve my magic. Crimea's civil war ended almost before it began, but just in case anyone over here gets any ideas, I wanted to be prepared.

Which brings me to the point of this entry. The magical naming system is really weird. Let's take for example Wind magic. It goes Wind, Elwind, Arcwind, Tornado and Rexcaliber. Ignoring the last one, that's pretty easy to remember. But Dark, rather than make sense, goes Worm, Carreau, Verrine, Balberith. Why? Why why why? I have a hard time remembering, at least, which is better between Carreau and Verrine. And I hate having a tome called Worm. It makes me feel kind of gross.

Oh well. Time for some more super fun bureaucratic matters. Bleh.

-Pelleas


	5. Day Ten

_Day Ten of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14th King of Daein_

Diary, I have a confession to make. Today I realized that I do, in fact, have a crush on Micaiah. She's beautiful, charming, sweet, and loyal! She'd be the perfect girl for me. The problem is that I have no idea if she feels anything for me at all beyond "that guy whose work I did." And the absolute last thing I want is for her to think she has to date me out of loyalty to Daein.

Also, and this is between us, Diary, but I've never been on a date before. No one wants to date a penniless orphan, and even then I'm scrawny, have a hard time talking to people, my genetics are suspect (but I bet some girls would like the idea that my father was the Mad King) and a Spirit Charmer is not exactly a good choice for long-term commitment. But I have good qualities too! I'm loyal, I'm smart, and I'm not terrible looking. Plus I own a kingdom!

Okay, that's it. Forgive me, dear diary, but I am not going to update this until I ask Micaiah out on a date!

\- Pelleas


	6. Day Thirty

_Day Thirty of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14th King of Daein_

I finally did it. She said yes! But she didn't seem too excited. I'm worried she only said yes because I'm her boss. Plus Sothe was giving me dirty looks. I thought they were more like siblings? I don't know! I'll have to ask. Maybe.

Oh, and before I forget, there's been formation of a Laguz Alliance and they're trying to take on Begnion. They should ask me! I'm a veteran at fighting Begnion. Passively, mind you, but still!

Wish me luck on my date!

-Pelleas


	7. Day Thirty-One

_Day Thirty-one of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14th King of Daein_

Dear Diary,

The date went great! Dinner was tasty and I got a kiss on the cheek. Sothe was hiding in the decorative plants of the restaurant, but oh well. I didn't ask about her and Sothe, because I was too nervous. I didn't ask about much. I think I did speak, though, so that's a good thing. I don't really remember.

I'm just so happy, everything's going so wonderfully!

-Pelleas


	8. Day Thirty-Two

_Day Thirty-two of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14th King of Daein_

[there is a section of unintelligible scribble, crossed-out words, and Old Language interspersed with profanity.]

Oh, crap.


	9. Day Thirty-Four

_Day Thirty-Four of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

So. Ah. I've warded this diary about a hundred times, but I'm still wary of writing this, because if I write it down that means it's real, isn't it, and there's simply no way this can be real…

Have you ever heard of a Blood Pact? I certainly haven't, and I've read a lot! But apparently they do exist, and even worse, I'm stuck in one. Do you remember Lekain, who I mentioned earlier? The contract he brought was actually a Blood Pact. By signing it, I've basically doomed my country. I can't believe it. If it weren't for the mark on my hand that wasn't there before, I wouldn't believe it. How can a piece of parchment kill people? But apparently if I don't follow the orders of the Senate of Begnion, then for each day I don't comply a citizen will die, one on day one, two on day two and so on. I can't risk it being a lie. I can't let anyone die because I didn't read a contract.

And that! I didn't read a contract because Izuka said it was legitimate! All right in retrospect I should have read it anyway, but he was my advisor, he'd been the one to literally seek me out, why would he betray me like this? And then he left! He ran away without so much as an explanation, on the day of my coronation! I don't understand. I don't understand any of it.

But Lekain's demands are simple: join the war against the Laguz Alliance. Although the population is still sore about the occupation, thankfully they all hate the sub-humans enough to not protest too much about joining the war. But how long can that last? And Micaiah's already giving me looks as if she can't believe I'm asking this of her. I can't either. I feel rotten. I've got to fix this, but I don't know how. But I did go into the storage room and pick out some of Daein's most powerful weapons to lend to her to disburse as she sees fit, so at least I did **something** to help. Oh Ashera, what do I do?

Until then, wish us luck in the war.

\- Pelleas


	10. Day Thirty-Seven

_Day Thirty-Seven of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

There is an acronym for when people get into tough situations: WWAD? It stands for "What Would Ashera Do?" Given the nature of the Goddess, she would probably smite you. So, to me at least, it really stands for What Would Ashnard Do? Yes, I know it's not exactly the most politically correct response to such things, but I can't help it. He was my father, after all, and my predecessor.

So. After being forced into a war that he is now losing, what would Ashnard do?

Technically speaking he didn't really start losing until the Crimean Army started to regain their lost territory, and then he sat still and waited for them to come to him. But he was a bit, er, mad, so I probably shouldn't do that. Although it would be kind of badass. Stupid, but badass.

But when Lekain came to tell me of Micaiah's failure… Father would have killed him. I don't know if I could have done it, both literally and psychologically. I've never killed anyone before. And even worse, I don't know what benefit it would have. If I did kill him – if I could do it – would it change anything or would it damn Daein? I don't know.

I find myself saying that a lot, lately.

But, worst of all, Mother suspects something. She saw me speaking to Lekain, although she doesn't know the specifics. She's a very strong woman (scarily strong, actually), and I wish I could confide in her, but I dare not. The less people who know of this the better, both for their sakes and for Daein's.

WWAD?

\- Pelleas


	11. Day Forty

_Day Forty of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

I have been working on magic lately, throwing myself into the Arts while continuing to govern. Micaiah is leading the army still, although we are standing by while Begnion fights the Laguz on the other side of Tellius. If I become stronger, perhaps some good will come of it. My aim is getting better, if nothing else. Maybe I can actually kill Lekain? I know… despite my last entry, if I could guarantee Lekain's death wouldn't destroy my people, I would murder him in a heartbeat, maybe not even with magic – a simple knife hidden in my robes could do the trick. I have it here, in fact, just in case. Lekain talks a lot (really, really a lot), maybe he'd let me know albeit unintentionally. WWAD indeed.

I feel awful. I haven't told anyone, and I'm trying to be as positive as I can so no one suspects, but I know they do. I know Micaiah does. She said I looked sorrowful. That broke my heart. And made me wish she can't read my mind.

We will persevere.

\- Pelleas


	12. Day Forty-Two

_Day Forty-two of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

I finally told everyone that I'm in a Blood Pact. They seemed to understand, and suggested I do some more research while Micaiah stalls everything. Tauroneo in particular was very nice about it. I like him. His armor is super shiny.

I also told them Izuka was a traitor. No one was surprised. I don't get it. Why was I the only one who was shocked? Micaiah didn't say anything, she just gave me a hug. Mother said something about the failure of the school system. Sothe said, "You thought he was a nice guy? I thought you were playing stupid." What's that supposed to mean? I don't like Sothe. He's not very nice at all. He's just jealous that I went on a date with Micaiah. Yeah, I still feel proud of that!

Okay, I'm off to the library to do research. I'm not optimistic because I consider myself well-read, but maybe there's something in the nooks and crannies I missed before!

Long Live Daein!

\- Pelleas

_Dearest son: this is your mother. I just wanted to let you know that I love you and you really need to stop pining over that woman, she's not good enough for you. Also, Tauroneo's armor may be shiny, but my love for you is shinier by far! Hugs and kisses, my little boy ♥_

_PS, if you must aspire to be more like your father, try being as good in bed as him. That's the best quality of his you could aspire to._


	13. Day Forty-Three

_Day Forty-three of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

MOTHER, stay out of my stuff! And I told you before to be nice to Micaiah, she's awesome :P

And your sex life is NOT A GOOD TOPIC OF CONVERSATION!

Love you too

\- Pelleas :3


	14. Day Fifty

_Day Fifty of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

[the text on this page is smudged and darkly written, and many quills died in its writing]

So. Diary. It's been a nice time. I'm glad to have met you. You're a very good secret-keeper. A swell journal. I'll miss you. In the AFTERLIFE AAAAHHHHHH

WWAD WWAD WWAD HE WOULD LET EVERYONE DIE AND I CAN'T DO THAT ALTHOUGH I WANT TO BAD PELLEAS BAD!

HEY MY REIGN IS ALMOST TWO MONTHS WAIT WHY AM I PROUD OF THAT

HELP ME


	15. Day Fifty-Five

_Day Fifty-five of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

The Blood Pact can be nullified if the pact signer dies. That's what I found. I asked Micaiah to kill me, but she refused. I can't get mad about that, for obvious reasons, although I hope she did the right thing.

The Laguz Alliance is outside our castle right now. Everyone is out fighting for our lives, and I'm in here doing more research. I have my tomes ready just in case they break through, but hopefully we can delay our opponents long enough that I can find what I need.

Oh, Mother's here, I wonder what she wants? [the writing here is scribbled and shaky] The whole castle is shaking, what's going on!


	16. Day Sixty-Five

_Day Sixty-five of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

Private Pelleas reporting for duty! Well, all right, I don't have a rank yet I don't think, but I like alliterations. It's been rather exciting here as of late, and I apologize for not writing sooner. Here's a timeline of events:

1\. My uncle Kurthnaga showed up and blew a huge hole in the castle walls in order to stop the fighting;

2\. My mother revealed to us that if we kill Lekain and rip up the contract, the Blood Pact will still go bye-bye (hooray!);

3\. We engaged in a big battle with the laguz alliance – I WAS ON THE FIELD although I didn't get to do anything – aaaand the evil chaos goddess woke up and everyone got turned to stone by Ashera because the evil chaos goddess isn't actually evil. The good news is that now I can defy the Senate without the Blood Pact killing everyone. The bad news is that everyone is, for all intents and purposes, already dead. Go figure.

4\. So everyone who wasn't turned to stone, including meeee, divided into three groups and we're all going towards the Tower of Guidance to get everyone de-stoned (ha ha, stoned). Since Mother has a crush on Tibarn (she said he's "the sexiest thing since Cainhegis," and I don't really know what that means) we're in his group.

5\. Ashera's disciples have attacked, and I am on the battlefield helping out!

I'm currently hiding in some brambles so I can update this. Tibarn is so cool, he's not even transformed and he's just punching people so I can kill them and get some practice in. I'm deciding to not even think about killing people. This is more like killing zombies. Speaking of zombies, I wonder how Zombie Black Knight is doing. I hope he's helping out Micaiah. I wanted to go with her group, but again, Mother and her Tibarn crush. I can see why she has a crush on him though. _I_ might have a crush on him. He'd be a great step-dad. And Elincia is here too! She and I have done a lot of talking about being rulers that no one really respects. Although she is now respected, so there you go. And there's no doubt why – she's amazing! Not as amazing as Micaiah of course, but Elincia could single-handedly kick the crap out of everyone here, except for Tibarn. There's hope for me too! First I have to get a weapon that will never break and makes me infinitely faster.

Mother wasn't happy to find out that I wanted to participate. She pointed out that as a King and a Prince of Goldoa (huh…?) I should be exempt. I replied that Elincia and Tibarn are here (and she swooned and started talking about how sexy he was), and then ran to join the fray. I'm being helpful!

And even better, there's a Senator of Begnion here. I don't know this one, but he looks really weird, and he laughs like a clown. I want to ask him about this whole Blood Pact thing, and what was the point of having Izuka help me liberate Daein only to make me sign a Blood Pact. That doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.

Oh! Tibarn told me to get moving! Private Pelleas is here to kick butt and


	17. Day Seventy

_Day Seventy of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

Sorry I didn't get to finish last entry. We defeated the Disciples of Order, although I didn't get to talk to Valtome because he called Elincia something rather rude and she beheaded him. In related news, I have a crush on her too now.

But I haven't gotten to write lately because we're traveling a lot and it's very boring. Mother has spent the whole time complaining, so I'm avoiding her.

Besides, I'm starting to think she may not actually be my mother.

Shhhh don't tell anyone that! But still, she said Goldoa, and Goldoa is the land of dragons, and my uncle Kurthnaga was a dragon, and I'm pretty sure I'm not a Branded - or, to be more specific, half-dragon. Eeehhhh. I don't like this idea, especially since Mother is so very certain that Father never had any other, er, liaisons. I think I need some brain bleach now please.

On the plus side, I got to kill a lot of zombies during the last battle, and now I feel like I can hold my own in these fights, like I'm on par with everyone else. Except Elincia and Tibarn, but they almost don't count! I hope my father would be proud of me, but I doubt it because he's crazy. Also, if what I remember of him is true (not as in "when I was a baby," but rather when I was still in school and he was the king), he would also have a crush on Tibarn, which makes it even less likely he'd be proud of me.

Okay, break's over, time to get back to walking. So much walking!

\- Pelleas


	18. Day Seventy-Two

_Day Seventy-Two of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

We ran into Izuka on our travels, and he's got an army of feral laguz to defend him. Our warriors are standing in a line and defending the magic users as we kill them from behind their shields. Elincia's boyfriend is back, and I'm pretty sure Tibarn has a thing for Reyson (who _is_ awfully pretty, so I can't really blame him…), which means I _really miss Micaiah._ But first we have to take out Izuka, the traitor who is also evil!

Time to get back to the fray!

-Pelleas


	19. Day Seventy-Three

_Day Seventy-Three of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

I trudged through the bloody swamp water, ignoring the way it stained my archsage robes. "Izuka!" I demanded, my voice deep and powerful, "Show your face, you cowardly snake!"

My feeble opponent finally came out of hiding, where he'd been in fear of my terrible wrath. "I'm so sorry, your majesty who is definitely the son of Ashnard," he sniveled, "I promise I will reform myself and always serve you forever!"

"It's too late!" I boomed, "Not only did you foully and unexpectedly betray me, but you also turned all of these poor laguz into your mind slaves and for that alone you deserve to die!" Using my powerful magics, I destroyed Izuka and saved all the feral laguz by myself with no harm done to me.

"Wow Pelleas you sure are a badass!" Tibarn approved of me.

"I want to be your super sexy girlfriend," Micaiah cooed.

"No, you can't because _I_ am going to be his super sexy girlfriend!" Elincia retorted.

"We could share," Micaiah pointed out.

Elincia agreed. Geoffrey realized that this was the best situation for her and gave her up easily because he's honorable and pretty cool.

"Aaahhh nooo he's too awesome," Sothe mourned before dying of inadequacy.


	20. Day Seventy-Five

_Day Seventy-Five of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

Welcome, diary, to the Tower of Guidance – or is it the Tower of Judgment? It's the Tower of Something Important – where everyone is camped outside as we rest up before charging in. There's a lot of cool people here, even more so than there were before:

1\. Ike, the Hero of Pretty Much Everywhere. He's considered one of the leaders of this massive army. Also, he and that little guy who follows him around – he once hit Micaiah with a bunch of meteors – yeah, they're totally gay together. Awww. I tried to talk to the little guy, who's definitely a sage and he has a mark on his forehead that looks like the one I have (he told me he's a Branded actually), and he was really mean. Ike had no idea who I was. I was hurt.

2\. Cainhegis, who's the King of Gallia. Mother – well, okay, more on that in a minute - Mother's been hitting on him shamelessly. Personally I'd pick Tibarn, but that's just me, and anyway Tibarn's already taken by Reyson, I think. If not, those two should get together because they act like an old married couple.

3\. Naesala, the King of Kilvas, who's also quite sexy but in an evil sort of way that I don't approve of. Besides, he's smitten with this adorable girl heron princess, Leanne. That's even more awwwwww.

4\. Nailah and Rafiel are back! I missed them. Neither of them remembered who I was. I was hurt.

5\. Bertram, one of my father's Four Riders, turned out to be Renning, Elincia's uncle and paladin extraordinaire, and he's back too! Hooray! Thankfully without all the hissing and talk of blood and death and things.

6\. There's this guy that Micaiah alleged popped out of the sand and decided to come along. His name is Stefan. He's also totally a sexy badass. He's also a Branded. He's made that abundantly clear. Loudly. Repeatedly.

7\. Last and most importantly, MICAIAH! I missed her so much! I admit I misled you a bit in my last entry, as sadly Sothe is still alive, but no one cares about him. Micaiah is sharing her body with the Goddess Yune (how cool is that? Micaiah is so awesome!) and Yune is walking around deciding who is going to go into the Tower and who is going to stay outside. I asked Yune if I could go in. She didn't know who I was. I was hurt.

All right, there's something else I have to tell you about last time. Izuka… how to put this… he let me know that I'm not actually Ashnard and Almedha's son. Ugh, writing that makes me want to vomit a little. I have absolutely no idea how to tell Mother that I'm not her child. And plus, although she's a little overbearing, _she's my mother!_ She's the only mother I've ever had! This is going to sound silly, diary, but I hope that even if I do tell her, she won't kick me to the curb.

Oh! Yune is making her announcement! I gotta run, wish me luck!

\- Pelleas


	21. Day Seventy-Five, Part 2

_Still Day Seventy-Five of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

I need a haircut. That's all of importance that's happened around now.

JUST KIDDING, DIARY! Lekain is dead! I helped! I didn't kill him though. Actually it was kind of funny. First we talked – I forgot to ask him what was the point of liberating Daein only to enslave it again, because he ordered me to fight my friends and I was like bitch, please! – and then I hit him with magic, and he hit me with magic, and it was awesome. Then Sanaki comes up and she's like "Burn, traitor!" and she _set him on fire and it was epic_. So I introduced myself.

Me: Oh, Empress Sanaki, sorry I haven't had a chance to talk to you yet, but I'm King Pelleas of Daein.

Her: Oh. Right. Sorry for Numida and the whole "occupation of evil" thing.

Me: It's okay. I'd say sorry for Lekain, but he's currently a pile of ashes at your feet.

Her: *smirk* Hmmm… You're my new boyfriend!

Me: What?

Her: Don't ask questions.

Me: Okay.

Her: You'll do excellently.

So, Diary, I apparently have a new girlfriend. Although if Micaiah and I went on that date, does that mean we were dating? So do I have two girlfriends? I have no idea. But, in case anyone asks, yes, I have two girlfriends. Maybe I won't die a virgin after all!

So Micaiah ripped up the Blood Pact, and Daein is free. So even if I do get smote by the Goddess, at least Daein will persevere!

Oh, right, Yune did decide that I was going into the Tower. There's a bunch of us, so let's see… Ike, Micaiah, Sothe (why?), Empress Sanaki, Uncle Kurthnaga, Ena (slightly less why?), meeeeee, Soren (Ike's boyfriend and the Branded sage who, by the way, could kick my butt!), King Cainhegis, King Tibarn, King Naesala, Queen Nailah, Queen Elincia, (future King!) Geoffrey, and Stefan (the badass swordmaster). Also, because Tibarn is overprotective of Reyson, Naesala of Leanne and Nailah of Rafiel, all three of the herons have been dragged in as well. We're apparently the Royal Branded Brigade, and Sothe. Also, is it just me, or is that group overkill? Apparently Yune isn't taking any chances. Good for her.

Lekain and flunkies were on the first floor, and now we're ascending the tower. Well, we stopped for the day because we're all tired (that's a lot of steps!) I'm near the edge of the platform so I can update you without anyone looking over my shoulder, and every time I look down, I feel queasy. There's no way that the distance is real!

Speaking of queasy, I have a new theory. Seeing Uncle Kurthnaga and Soren nearby makes me realize just how much they look alike. And Soren is a Branded. How many black dragons have beorc husbands? Probably one. My mother. So if it turns out Soren's my brother, I will not be surprised at all whatsoever. Buuut considering he's always with Ike, and Daein would not be happy to have Ike as the… Queen… I can't imagine that going anywhere. But still, it's neat, isn't it? Also such a coincidence! I love coincidences.

Oh, here comes Tibarn. He's carrying a huge hunk of carcass that I really hope is not beorc. He's put it down in front of me… and he wants me to eat the whole thing. I'm too skinny, he says. Reyson is coming over… and he just smacked Tibarn on the back of the head… "You'll give him a complex." "He's skin and bones!" "He is just fine for a boy his age." "He needs to eat." "You need to learn to be tactful and you haven't done that yet."

Awwww. I think I've just been adopted. Again.

They're finally done arguing and have left me with my hunk of something-that-hopefully-won't-make-me-a-cannibal. Everyone in the main group is pairing off and going to bed. I'm too excited to sleep. Oh, here comes Sanaki. She told me I have to stop writing in my diary and go to bed right now. Good night, diary!

\- Pelleas

PS – Sanaki smirks a lot at me, especially when I listen. I don't know why. Girls are weird.


	22. Day Seventy-Six

_**Yo Pelleas. Only girls have diaries, number one, and number two, Sanaki likes you because you don't have a spine. Also, quit stalking Micaiah. It's weird. – S** _

_Day Seventy-Six of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

TODAY IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. OKAY NOT QUITE THE WORST, BUT UP THERE. First Sothe STOLE my JOURNAL, and as you can see he even wrote in it!

_**Sure, now you call it a journal. No one's convinced.** _

What the – how'd you get this?

_**It's called "stealth." And "boredom."** _

I can second that. With all these laguz kings running around there's not much to do… Compounded by the herons just reenergizing the kings when they get tired…

_**No kidding. And Ike's just running around in circles. Though Soren's dramatic "Oh no Ike my love my heart yearns to be with you!" look is hilarious.** _

Awww, that's not very nice. Although it's true. Heehee.

_**So what's this whole "this is the worst day of my life" thing about?** _

Oh, nothing. Zombie Black Knight (is secretly Zombie Zelgius and even though everyone treated that like a dramatic revelation I have no clue who Zelgius is) and Ike are in a fight, I'm bored, and I saw Sanaki try to use our new relationship against Micaiah, and it made me so sad.

_**Yeah, that's the second reason Sanaki's dating you, sorry to say. She wants Micaiah to be jealous of her, since she's jealous of Micaiah.** _

Oh. That's sad. Also, I'm not stalking Micaiah. I walked up to her and said "Hey Micaiah, I hope things are going well," and she said, "It's nice that you're not dead," and that was a nice pleasant conversation.

**_Suuuuure._ **

:P So okay, you're Micaiah's little brother, so how do we fix her relationship with Sanaki? It makes me sad that they're at odds. Also, we could try talking out loud rather than you keep stealing my dia – journal.

**_Meh._ _So Sanaki's jealous of Micaiah because Micaiah sang the Galdr of Release and freed Yune, which was Sanaki's job. So now Sanaki's going to use every opportunity she's got to make herself look better. So… here's my idea. You've proven yourself to be a nice guy. You date Micaiah, and I'll date Sanaki. That way, Sanaki can say she stole Micaiah's little brother – although I know a lot of people think we're dating, so if I have to I can play that up - and yet Micaiah isn't left alone… and ends up Queen of Daein…_**

I sense you may have ulterior motives.

**_No I don't._ **

Okay! It sounds like a great idea! Wow! Today's the best day ever NOOO ZOMBIE BLACK KNIGHT IS DEEEAAAAD AGAIN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO


	23. Day Seventy-Seven

_Day Seventy-Seven of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

Dear Journal,

I would like to take this time to properly mourn Zombie Black Knight and his death and return to the circle of life. He was a good friend. When I froze during a speech, he walked up and made my soldiers pay attention. He saved my girlfriend's life one… two… three four… five times! For no good reason that I can figure out! I'm glad he's properly dead and that he never ate my brain, but I'll miss him.

Oddly enough, no one else seems to care. Sanaki was surprised, but that's the most reaction anyone's had. Even Micaiah wasn't upset! Not much upsets her, though. When Sanaki proudly announced that she'd dumped me and was dating Sothe (who seemed like a pleased peacock), Micaiah muttered something about incest by-proxy. When I asked her to be my girlfriend (it took a lot of prompting from multiple persons, but I did it! While staring at my boots, granted, but still) she said yes, but again seemed so bored. I suppose most people would find dating a King and a Spirit Charmer exotic… unless you're the human vessel of a goddess.

Anyway, so as you probably guessed, we're once again scaling the Tower. Did I mention it's a lot of steps? Because it is. My calves are killing me. Micaiah-Yune leads the way when we're walking, so I have to walk by myself and I get lonely. And when we rest, she usually sleeps right away because apparently goddess-housing is tiring, so I feel even lonelier. Everyone but Cainhegis has someone to be with. I guess that means I should talk to him. Oh, gosh. Oh, geez. I don't want to – he'll eat me! He's huge and scary and a lion and I know way too much about his private life because of Mother!

Okay, I need to learn to talk to strangers, especially if I stay as King – it's not my birthright anymore, but I'm already there and Soren won't want it, right? – so excuse me while I move…

Me: Hello, King Cainhegis, my name's Pelleas, and I'm the King of Daein. It's nice to meet you.

Him: You can't possibly be Ashnard's cub. You can't. Look at you – there's nothing to you!

Me: Er?

Tibarn: That's what I said! I want to force-feed him while making him do push-ups.

Reyson: Not again…

Cainhegis: You'd give him a heart attack, Tibarn. How many push-ups can you do, little beorc?

Me: I haven't had to do one since school… and I did one…

Great, now all of the laguz are bonding over my frailty. Nailah pointed out I can't give a speech… Naesala said it wouldn't be worth it to eat me… Aww, Rafiel said it all shouldn't matter because my heart is pure. Everyone laughed.

I love having friends!

\- Pelleas


	24. Day Seventy-Eight

_Day Seventy-Eight of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

OH ASHNARD THERE ARE DRAGONS EVERYWHERE


	25. Day Seventy-Nine

_Day Seventy-Nine of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

Dear Journal,

The dragons weren't that bad. In retrospect. I met, and helped kill (from a decent distance!), my adopted grandfather, and thank goodness we're not related by blood because he was a jerk.

Anyhow, this is really, really awkward, but apparently Prime Minister Sephiran (he is just as pretty as the rumors say!) has decided to destroy the world. Sanaki is very sad about this, and Sothe is comforting her. Ike, Micaiah, Soren and I are sitting together as what Ike calls "The Awesome Club." I've never been part of a club before so I'm super excited and nervous. This would be the perfect time for me to tell Soren about his parentage, although then I'd be screwing myself out of a job… in theory… I should tell him. It's the right thing, and Micaiah is always impressed by the right thing! … Okay maybe not; she's only impressed by the Right Thing if it's for the glory of Daein, but still, you get the idea.

The good thing about writing this journal is that I've gotten quite a bit faster at my writing skills, so allow me to transcribe:

Me: So, uh. Hey, Soren. Do you know who your parents are?

Him: Of course not.

Ike: It doesn't matter.

Me: Awww. Well, here's the thing. I think I know who they are.

Awkward! He just got up and left. Ike followed him.

Oh, Micaiah just patted me on the leg and assured me I was doing the right thing. Did I just make it to second base?

\- Pelleas


	26. Day Eighty

_Day Eighty of the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein, 14_ _th_ _King of Daein_

Dear Journal,

This is it, my last entry. Why is it my last entry? Because I'm going to die by Goddess-smite? Nope, already beat her; well, Ike did, but I helped, so I'm taking some credit. Is this my last entry because I'm running out of journal pages? Nope, again, because I write really small and you're pretty big, journal. Is this my last entry because I'm planning on committing suicide? No, I'm actually pretty enthused about this idea.

This is my last entry because I'm surrendering my claim to the throne, and therefore this can't be related to the Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein. I'm actually relieved that I'm done with Kingship, especially since the only reason I was chosen for ruling in the first place has since been debunked. I told Mother that I'm not her son, and pointed her in the right direction, so it's up to her if she drags Soren to Daein by his ears or not (although if she doesn't abandon me, I'll still call her Mother – she's clearly very needy for a son, and I have no mother, so we go together even if not biologically). If she doesn't force Soren into the Kingship, I told Micaiah she can take it, as the people love her more than me. Heck, _I_ love her more than me.

Oh, I also told her that – the "I love you" part, not the "I love you more than I love myself" part, because that sounds a little awkward. She blushed terribly. But, she didn't say "Go away you incredible loser" or "EEEEK" or anything like that, so maybe, just maybe, there's a chance for us? I'm not giving up! I've learned quite well that if I give up, I'll end up stabbed in the chest and dead for no reason, so I will never ever give up! Also, Sothe might be least temporarily out of the picture, as he's considering moving to Begnion. Wow, you know, if he gets married to Sanaki he'll be the Emperor, good for - ohhhh _that's_ why he wanted to date her. And he was thinking that if Micaiah dated me, she'd be Queen of Daein. That's sneaky, Sothe. Little did he know that she'd become Queen even without me! Hey, if we get married some day, does that mean I'll become King of Daein _again?_ That'd be crazy. Mother would be happy though. And I could restart my kingly diary!

You know, in retrospect, for being a false king found on the streets, I didn't do too terribly. Sure, I signed a contract that could have destroyed my entire nation, but in the end no one died from it. No one rebelled against me – unless you include Izuka, and by extension the entire Begnion Empire – and our casualties in the war no one wanted to join were minimal. Essentially, I had eighty days of meh. Man, that sounds really bad. So instead, let's rephrase it, as I had eighty days of… uh… "The Reign of Pelleas Rajaion Daein was characterized by eighty days of _not_ everyone dying." That sounds a bit better.

Okay, Dia – Journal, I'm exhausted, it's been a long day, and so I'm going to finish this journal as I began it: being nagged to go to sleep.

Oh, and I'm keeping my new full name, I don't care what anyone says.

Sincerely yours,

-Pelleas Rajaion Daein


End file.
